Ten years after creating a new model for dating apps with its “women make the first move” feature, Bumble is opening the door to men starting conversations on the app.
Or just… talk to people IRL? I met my wife at my apartment complex, and plenty more meet their SOs at a local social event or whatever. Go to meetups for stuff you’re interested in and talk to people. I trust that way more than dating apps that pair you with strangers given a short bio…
Yeah, talking to people sucks, I get it. I’m quite introverted and need to relax after putting myself out there. When I met my wife, we texted for 2-3 days before I had enough social energy to ask her out on a date, even though I was quite interested in her. She’s a little introverted as well, so we’re a good match.
Text is way easier for me, but in-person is way more effective. Most of my friends met their SOs in person at some kind of meetup, whether a DND night, tech meetup, or a dance (not a club, that’s way too loud). Online worked for my brother, but I just don’t see nearly as much success as with in-person meetups, at least among my friends.
People especially women hate meeting people in public. It’s either “inappropriate,” or there’s music louder than a war playing. There is no in between.
game night with mutual friends - your and their friends will help keep things on the level
co-ed sports (again, with mutual friends)
community events, such as at a local library or whatever
meetups for interests - often hosted at some local business that does something related to the thing (I’m a dev, so I go to local Rust, Go, Python, and JS meetups on occasion)
In other words, places where people are “forced” to interact doing something that interests them, while around other people that could come to your aid if someone is being creepy. The goal shouldn’t be to find a SO (that attracts the wrong type), but to interact with people that share an interest. You should be looking to make friends, and if that blossoms into something more, I guess that’s cool too. Don’t go into it looking for an SO, go into it looking to engage about something you enjoy.
I don’t have any of those, they all knocked each other up in their 20’s, their personalities died and now they’re all underpaid zombies with diaper bags and minivans who never text, and in car-centric America there is no mechanism for meeting more.
co-ed sports
Illegal in the South for the same reasons that you can’t buy beer on Sunday morning.
Community events such as at a local library or whatever
My town hosts regular community events and distributes a list of upcoming ones every month as part of a newsletter included with our water bills. 100% of them are for ages 6-12 or 65+; About the only event I’m aware of that might allow normal no adjective adults to attend is the occasional First Friday event, which plays music you could hear from geostationary orbit. I mean seriously the music will rattle my windows about as hard as a freight train and the stage gets set up 4 blocks further away than the tracks. Should I call OSHA or something?
Meetups for interests
All of my interests are some combination of near total sausage fests, have no support/community in my area, or any support for them died during the pandemic.
I don’t agree with everything the guy above you said, but my circumstances are very similar to his.
I have friends, but they don’t know anyone they can introduce me to.
Sports are off the table due to both health problems and a lack of interest (do you really want group activities to be full of disinterested guys just there to chat up chicks?), never mind that they’re all heavily male-dominated around here.
Local councils put on events, but they are either for children, for mothers, or for seniors.
Everything has been turned into a product to be sold to you, almost every event costs money, and when you do pony up the events are somewhere between borderline scams and actual scams.
…
This is a recurring issue with this subject. Someone offers advice, someone points out why that advice isn’t very applicable, and the first person makes no attempt to “adapt and overcome” themselves and either a) offer better advice, or b) admit that they don’t have any better suggestions.
Hence the goal here of expanding friend network with people who actually have time and shared interests.
Illegal in the South for the same reasons that you can’t buy beer on Sunday morning.
That’s incredibly stupid… Then again, my area also restricts buying beer on Sundays.
100% of them are for ages 6-12 or 65+
Maybe try the nearest big city? Or maybe the next closest one?
local business
I mean bigger companies, companies that are looking to hire people, not sell you stuff. For example, I’m in tech, and most of the companies that host events are just looking to attract applicants in whatever their tech stack is, their target market is something entirely different (e.g. they’re B2B).
I’m not talking about things like sewing classes at the local crafting store, though if you’re going to buy from them anyway, I guess I don’t see the harm.
And yeah, the meetups I’ve attended are largely male dominated (that’s the nature of my interests). But that’s 100% okay because the goal is to find people with share interests, not find a romantic partner. Finding a romantic partner should come naturally from making friends. Friend may introduce you to a romantic partner, or they could become one. If you’re making finding romance the goal, you’re going to get burned by abusive partners because they’re attracted to such platforms as well.
So that’s my advice. If your friends are all married and boring (I’m now one of those), make new ones. That’s hard, I know, but it’s a lot safer to do that than try to hook up on dating services IMO.
Eh, that could be true. I’m just relating my experience and trying to be helpful.
I’m quite introverted, so spending time in social situations can be very draining. This doesn’t apply as much to digital communication, but I do find myself delaying responding if it could turn into a social situation (e.g. someone asks if I’m busy, I’ll often just not respond until it’s too late, “oh no, sorry I missed this, maybe next time…”). I’m not socially awkward or anything, I just prefer to avoid socializing with people (COVID was actually fantastic for me since I didn’t need excuses).
I’m imagining that a lot of single people who don’t want to be single fall into that category as well. So that’s where I’m coming from.
When we first met, I was super into her, and it was obvious that she was into me because she asked for my number, she texted first, etc (I walked up to her though). I really liked her, but I wasn’t up to actually spending time with her, so I made excuses until I was ready to give her my full attention. But that couldn’t have happened if I had stayed home. In fact, she moved out of town a month or two later, so we dated long distance for a year until we were able to be together.
So my advice is to put yourself into social situations that are relatively comfortable for you. Don’t make the primary goal to find romance, make the goal to find someone that enjoys what you do (even if they’re not a possible romantic partner).
Or just… talk to people IRL? I met my wife at my apartment complex, and plenty more meet their SOs at a local social event or whatever. Go to meetups for stuff you’re interested in and talk to people. I trust that way more than dating apps that pair you with strangers given a short bio…
Yeah, talking to people sucks, I get it. I’m quite introverted and need to relax after putting myself out there. When I met my wife, we texted for 2-3 days before I had enough social energy to ask her out on a date, even though I was quite interested in her. She’s a little introverted as well, so we’re a good match.
Text is way easier for me, but in-person is way more effective. Most of my friends met their SOs in person at some kind of meetup, whether a DND night, tech meetup, or a dance (not a club, that’s way too loud). Online worked for my brother, but I just don’t see nearly as much success as with in-person meetups, at least among my friends.
People especially women hate meeting people in public. It’s either “inappropriate,” or there’s music louder than a war playing. There is no in between.
I’m talking about pretty “safe” settings, like:
In other words, places where people are “forced” to interact doing something that interests them, while around other people that could come to your aid if someone is being creepy. The goal shouldn’t be to find a SO (that attracts the wrong type), but to interact with people that share an interest. You should be looking to make friends, and if that blossoms into something more, I guess that’s cool too. Don’t go into it looking for an SO, go into it looking to engage about something you enjoy.
I don’t have any of those, they all knocked each other up in their 20’s, their personalities died and now they’re all underpaid zombies with diaper bags and minivans who never text, and in car-centric America there is no mechanism for meeting more.
Illegal in the South for the same reasons that you can’t buy beer on Sunday morning.
My town hosts regular community events and distributes a list of upcoming ones every month as part of a newsletter included with our water bills. 100% of them are for ages 6-12 or 65+; About the only event I’m aware of that might allow normal no adjective adults to attend is the occasional First Friday event, which plays music you could hear from geostationary orbit. I mean seriously the music will rattle my windows about as hard as a freight train and the stage gets set up 4 blocks further away than the tracks. Should I call OSHA or something?
All of my interests are some combination of near total sausage fests, have no support/community in my area, or any support for them died during the pandemic.
Buy shit! Buy shit buy shit buy shit!
I mean, if all you see are obstacles, that’s all you’ll ever encounter, friend… you can be a victim of circumstance or adapt and overcome.
I don’t agree with everything the guy above you said, but my circumstances are very similar to his.
I have friends, but they don’t know anyone they can introduce me to.
Sports are off the table due to both health problems and a lack of interest (do you really want group activities to be full of disinterested guys just there to chat up chicks?), never mind that they’re all heavily male-dominated around here.
Local councils put on events, but they are either for children, for mothers, or for seniors.
Everything has been turned into a product to be sold to you, almost every event costs money, and when you do pony up the events are somewhere between borderline scams and actual scams.
…
This is a recurring issue with this subject. Someone offers advice, someone points out why that advice isn’t very applicable, and the first person makes no attempt to “adapt and overcome” themselves and either a) offer better advice, or b) admit that they don’t have any better suggestions.
Hell is where we are…heaven is what we make of it
Very ‘inspirational’, but as useless as your previous reply.
To each their own…
Adapting and overcoming the death of society itself is not something I’m interested in doing.
Holy exaggeration, Batman!
Hence the goal here of expanding friend network with people who actually have time and shared interests.
That’s incredibly stupid… Then again, my area also restricts buying beer on Sundays.
Maybe try the nearest big city? Or maybe the next closest one?
I mean bigger companies, companies that are looking to hire people, not sell you stuff. For example, I’m in tech, and most of the companies that host events are just looking to attract applicants in whatever their tech stack is, their target market is something entirely different (e.g. they’re B2B).
I’m not talking about things like sewing classes at the local crafting store, though if you’re going to buy from them anyway, I guess I don’t see the harm.
And yeah, the meetups I’ve attended are largely male dominated (that’s the nature of my interests). But that’s 100% okay because the goal is to find people with share interests, not find a romantic partner. Finding a romantic partner should come naturally from making friends. Friend may introduce you to a romantic partner, or they could become one. If you’re making finding romance the goal, you’re going to get burned by abusive partners because they’re attracted to such platforms as well.
So that’s my advice. If your friends are all married and boring (I’m now one of those), make new ones. That’s hard, I know, but it’s a lot safer to do that than try to hook up on dating services IMO.
That’s a lovely idea, unfortunately a lot of us are growing old waiting for this bullshit.
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Eh, that could be true. I’m just relating my experience and trying to be helpful.
I’m quite introverted, so spending time in social situations can be very draining. This doesn’t apply as much to digital communication, but I do find myself delaying responding if it could turn into a social situation (e.g. someone asks if I’m busy, I’ll often just not respond until it’s too late, “oh no, sorry I missed this, maybe next time…”). I’m not socially awkward or anything, I just prefer to avoid socializing with people (COVID was actually fantastic for me since I didn’t need excuses).
I’m imagining that a lot of single people who don’t want to be single fall into that category as well. So that’s where I’m coming from.
When we first met, I was super into her, and it was obvious that she was into me because she asked for my number, she texted first, etc (I walked up to her though). I really liked her, but I wasn’t up to actually spending time with her, so I made excuses until I was ready to give her my full attention. But that couldn’t have happened if I had stayed home. In fact, she moved out of town a month or two later, so we dated long distance for a year until we were able to be together.
So my advice is to put yourself into social situations that are relatively comfortable for you. Don’t make the primary goal to find romance, make the goal to find someone that enjoys what you do (even if they’re not a possible romantic partner).
That’s fair advice. Thanks for your good intentions. I’m very sorry about the snark. That was uncalled for.