Nearly shat??? That sounds like entirely too much effort to possibly be true. He definitely had a blowout so explosive that it sent his shoes skidding across the floor.

Sue him

What’s that in freedom units?

or the luchador that’s randomly moved in with you

I knew something was different!

I’d wait 3 hours for a feces-throwing tangerine colored ape. That sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime experience. If I get hit by the feces, I’ll be kinda sad though.

Trump on the other hand? Is it possible to wait negative hours?

Too late

They should double-warn him. These limp-wristed single warnings aren’t doing the trick. Maybe even triple-dog-warn him for good measure—no tag-backs.

I tried, failed, and my disappointment is immeasurable.

Nah, it’s shit-apples and shit-trees. I was just using pedantry as an excuse to make poop jokes.

Side note: the principal where I used to work would say “spotted dogs have spotted puppies,” about the kids who didn’t stand a chance to avoid a bad situation at school because they were raised by shitty parents.

I also once witnessed him telling a parent, “yes, I know your child is the most special kid at our school and that you’re a very special parent, which is why you feel you should be prioritized and why it’s okay for you to be rude. But I just need you to remember that I have all of these other special parents *sweeping arm gesture* whose kids are also the most special child at our school. So instead of endangering the other special kids, you’re just going to have to be a little bit patient like the wonderful special parent I know you can be.” Fucking epic.

“What was Windows even doing for us?”

Providing minimal malware protection while being actual malware?

Check it out, I’m a masshole! *toot*

I usually shit poop or farts. Sometimes both. I’ve yet to shit apples, but I’m intrigued by your directive. Any advice or procedures you can offer?

HUMAN LIFE > $, YOU ARROGANT INHUMANE PIECE OF SHIT! FUCK OFF AND GO EXPLORE YOUR OWN FISCAL VALUE BY REMOVING YOURSELF FROM THE ALLOCATION OF FEDERAL FUNDS!

These goddamn bastards vacuuming up public funds, political power, and then having the gall to say such reductive insults about the people who put them in power in the first place.

Holy shit, killercoke.org goes fucking hard

Of course. They didn’t mind a giant turd manning the fry station, what’s a few small ones sprinkled around the place?

Those hairs aren’t loose. They’ve been secured quite well with hairspray and glue

I really don’t wanna be behind that bastard!

His episodes had some of the most hilarious comedy interspersed with horrifying tales

It depends on how large your totally not tiny hands are

MAYA haa

Put the “minor” back in “coal miners”