Text translation: “I finish work at 6 pm today. I want the food to be warm when I get home. And don’t forget to put that movie I told you about on the USB, I want to watch it after getting in bed”.
Text from today. I’m expected to cook all of his meals, do his laundry, iron his clothes, do the grocery shopping, clean the house, run any errands he needs, etc. basically all of the housework, he won’t do anything even when he doesn’t go to work. I love him but it becomes mildly infuriating at times, especially when I have to sync my life with his schedule. At least he takes good care of me financially.
I can see why your mum left. Is this something you want to change, or is it something you’re willing to put up with? Do you work as well? If you do, is it feasible to split the cost of a maid or similar?
I’m currently in my first year of university. Not working just focusing on my studies and hobbies, he’s my financial support. My mom specifically told me to continue living with him when she left cause he can provide well even though he can be quite a demanding person - a standard of living which she can’t match. She actually left cause it was the nth time he cheated on her. 🥴 she basically instructed me to get into his good graces so that I live comfortably (for example she didn’t let me change my last name to hers when they divorced). He tells me the same line he did to my mom when I mention hired help: “why? Aren’t you here?”, even though he has the money. I’m putting up with him.
I guess if he puts out (as in he pays the bills) it’s worth it. Just keep your mental health in check and know this shit isn’t normal. If he wants to start charging rent or some bs then remind him you earn your keep by pampering his ass. Good luck to you!
Yeah, at this point it seems the arrangement is that he pays for her studies and lodging in return for doing all the housework.
Whether that’s a good deal or not is up to her. I can’t see it helping their relationship, but he doesn’t sound great in that department anyway.
Yeah if I change this in my head from “dad” to “shitty boss”, it’s still bad but it’s tolerable. You could certainly do a lot worse in the job department.
It shouldn’t be a job in the first place, and this adjustment requires losing a dad, so it’s horrible even in its best form, but it provides a path forward that isn’t a non-starter.
Try to think of it as your part time job to pay for school. At least you also benefit from the food and such, you kind of set your own hours, and you’re not dealing with the general public like a retail job.
I don’t know anything about Romanian culture. Is that wife plus younger sex partner kind of an older norm? There’s a term in French or Italian - something about happy hours or 6 o’clock girl, something like that, for the fling time between work and dinner with the family.
I gotcha. That’s rough, I’m sorry to hear he was such a shitty husband. It’s probably true that a job would be more demanding and take more time from your studies, so all up it sounds like you could be in a worse spot, and at least this is family and you care about him. It’s good of you to help him like this; working all day often gets overlooked as a source of major fatigue. I can’t say I don’t relate to some degree, I just order delivery when I’m tired instead of demanding my wife do the cooking.
Still, this is hardly anyone’s dream life. I hope your studies go well and you’re able to get out on your own soon!