Text translation: “I finish work at 6 pm today. I want the food to be warm when I get home. And don’t forget to put that movie I told you about on the USB, I want to watch it after getting in bed”.
Text from today. I’m expected to cook all of his meals, do his laundry, iron his clothes, do the grocery shopping, clean the house, run any errands he needs, etc. basically all of the housework, he won’t do anything even when he doesn’t go to work. I love him but it becomes mildly infuriating at times, especially when I have to sync my life with his schedule. At least he takes good care of me financially.
Can’t imagine why she left.
She left cause she got tired of him cheating on her…🥶
Damn. I know you love him but your dad sounds like a dick.
Especially when it comes to relationships. Once we were bickering and I told him why not just bring one of the many women he cheated on mom with home to take care of the house and himself. He said “curva i curva, femeia casei e femeia casei” (a whore is a whore while a woman of the house is a woman of the house), “I didn’t and don’t want to bring whores home, I didn’t want to divorce your mom in the first place - she was a wife, she had a different status; those women were just for fun not taking care of the family and house”.
Run.
You need to get the fuck away from him and let this man child grow up and take care of himself.
Sounds like he’s the curva in this household. Seriously, get out. Maybe go to your mum’s?
My mom wants me to stay with him.
From this post alone (I obviously don’t know any more details), I would recommend against it.
mildly?
if you are under age this is abuse and you should contact CPS of your country.
If you are ove age just get the fuck out of there, wtf are you even doing?
It’s basically impossible to live a good life as a student / unqualified worker here without financial support. Cheapest rent is like 300€ and a new entry job pays like 600€ - 0% chance of living well like that. Plus prices are crazy we’re in a bit of an inflation crisis at the moment (Romania). :(
You should calculate how many hours you work for him. Maybe you could actually do this as a real job and earn a living wage.
I might have a different definition of „good life““ than you, but money != a good life.
While I ultimately agree with you, I wouldn’t deny that lack of money is a good recipe for a bad life either
Do you have cars in your country? If so consider moving into a vehicle and converting it out to both gain freedom and remove rent from the equation. Its not easy or feasable for everyone but perhaps an option to consider. If your family has big back yard maybe put down a four season tent anf move into it so you don’t have to deal with them.
Do all those things, but do a really terrible job. If he wants it done better, he can do them himself!
If and when you can leave, RUN and don’t look back. I’m sorry that you have to live with such an asshole.
I can see why your mum left. Is this something you want to change, or is it something you’re willing to put up with? Do you work as well? If you do, is it feasible to split the cost of a maid or similar?
I’m currently in my first year of university. Not working just focusing on my studies and hobbies, he’s my financial support. My mom specifically told me to continue living with him when she left cause he can provide well even though he can be quite a demanding person - a standard of living which she can’t match. She actually left cause it was the nth time he cheated on her. 🥴 she basically instructed me to get into his good graces so that I live comfortably (for example she didn’t let me change my last name to hers when they divorced). He tells me the same line he did to my mom when I mention hired help: “why? Aren’t you here?”, even though he has the money. I’m putting up with him.
I guess if he puts out (as in he pays the bills) it’s worth it. Just keep your mental health in check and know this shit isn’t normal. If he wants to start charging rent or some bs then remind him you earn your keep by pampering his ass. Good luck to you!
Yeah, at this point it seems the arrangement is that he pays for her studies and lodging in return for doing all the housework.
Whether that’s a good deal or not is up to her. I can’t see it helping their relationship, but he doesn’t sound great in that department anyway.
Yeah if I change this in my head from “dad” to “shitty boss”, it’s still bad but it’s tolerable. You could certainly do a lot worse in the job department.
It shouldn’t be a job in the first place, and this adjustment requires losing a dad, so it’s horrible even in its best form, but it provides a path forward that isn’t a non-starter.
Try to think of it as your part time job to pay for school. At least you also benefit from the food and such, you kind of set your own hours, and you’re not dealing with the general public like a retail job.
I don’t know anything about Romanian culture. Is that wife plus younger sex partner kind of an older norm? There’s a term in French or Italian - something about happy hours or 6 o’clock girl, something like that, for the fling time between work and dinner with the family.
I gotcha. That’s rough, I’m sorry to hear he was such a shitty husband. It’s probably true that a job would be more demanding and take more time from your studies, so all up it sounds like you could be in a worse spot, and at least this is family and you care about him. It’s good of you to help him like this; working all day often gets overlooked as a source of major fatigue. I can’t say I don’t relate to some degree, I just order delivery when I’m tired instead of demanding my wife do the cooking.
Still, this is hardly anyone’s dream life. I hope your studies go well and you’re able to get out on your own soon!
This isn’t mildly infuriating. It’s extremely infuriating.
Dang, at least tell him to say please and thank you
Get some brass knuckles for your defense.
?
Daddy might get violent when you say no…
Either way, I am not sure why you would expected to do any of this shit for a grown ass man.
Tell him to warm his own damn food lol
Keep thay brass on hand in case he get rowdy haha these type don’t take no very well
When I really can’t do it cause I’m too busy with something he literally calls my grandma over to do the housework for him. She’s in her 60s. This man has never taken care of himself. Until marriage it was my grandma, then it was my mom, now it’s me apparently.🫠
I am not sure what the bigger picture is but based on the facts provided, you gonna need to cut this shit sooner or later.
Serving other people like this will stifle your own development. Young people should be out there figuring out how the world works and developing themselves not serving adults cosplaying a child.
Just an opinion tho
I’m gonna do it once I’m done with university and get a well paying job.
Be aware that if you’re keeping up taking care of him, someday it may be in his best interests to keep you from excelling on your own. Please be wary of anything that could sabotage your life plans, and have contingency plans ready. Best of luck ♥️
Offer grandma to go halfsies on the household chores if you can move in with her?
That is behavior of a child, not a man. An adult can take care of themselves.
I do agree with the comment further up though - if he’s housing and providing financially for you while you are in school, consider it a part time job you are doing for the money. Keep asking him for grocery money and put some away in the bank for you.
Yes his mom shouldn’t have to do this stuff for him, but if she’d taught him right he’d have been doing it for himself all these years.
I guess the one positive thing about his “whores” is that he won’t be trying to get you to take your mother’s place in bed. If he catches a disease, at least it can’t hurt your mom now.
Being stuck at home sucks, but I understand you need the financial support to get through university. Do whatever you can to ensure you have a good job lined up before you graduate so you can move out.
Any guys you might want to get involved with, bring them home to test, and eliminate any who don’t tell you, unsolicited, how wrong he is, and set an example by helping you.
